If you are like me, you probably thought depression was someone crying uncontrollably, not eating or overeating, not showering, and walking around with slumped shoulders and their head held down. I thought for sure I would know what a person with depression looked like. And I was even more sure I’d be able to recognize these tell-tale signs in myself.
This is the face of depression. Makeup looks good, big smile; cute outfit, all smiles!!! And I am depressed and taking meds to help me cope. There are days when I am a full-blown zombie, with no joy or sadness, just numb. I am just getting through the day doing what I need to do, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. The official medical diagnosis is ‘caregiver burnout.’
What is Caregiver Burnout?
Caregiver burnout is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that happens while taking care of someone else. Stressed caregivers may experience fatigue, anxiety, and depression.
One survey found that more than 60% of caregivers experience symptoms of burnout.
Some symptoms of caregiver burnout include and are not limited to:
- Emotional and physical exhaustion.
- Withdrawal from friends, family, and other loved ones.
- Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed.
- Feeling hopeless and helpless.
- Changes in sleep patterns.
I stopped enjoying listening to music or podcasts. No more weekend projects, either – I was too busy or tried to start something. I lost interest in the things that made me happy. I lost my creative spark.
I went on meds that helped, but it was hard for me to tell at first. Additionally, I started talk therapy, hoping to get help with coping strategies. Nothing seemed to help me get out of this funk.
The Funk & The Fix for Caregiver Burnout
I would describe my ‘funk’ as a flat line. There are days when I experience moments of joy and laughter, then right back to the funk. Other days, I experience grave sadness, and then I’m right back to the funk. Thinking back on the things that motivated and excited me, I think of creating.
I enjoy creating things. My weekends are spent sewing, painting, or doing other hobbies. When creating, I am happy, excited, and fulfilled. A lifetime ago, I was living in Oakland, hanging out at Lake Merritt, or meeting friends for happy hour.
The Fix
I found a financial advisor to help me with short and long-term planning for my mother’s care. That exercise helped me see that I could afford a caregiver for my mother for at least four hours a day.
I planned to use the four hours for myself: work out, take myself to breakfast, or go for a walk on the beach. I committed to myself that I would get up, dressed, and out of the house four hours every weekday.
Slowly, I began to feel better. Not 100%, but better. I recognized myself again. As a caregiver, it’s so easy to lose track of yourself. However, caregivers need to remember to take care of themselves, too.
Here are some suggestions to help you manage the caregiver funk:
- Review your finances to determine if you can afford help. This will allow you to carve out time to take care of yourself.
- Think about the things that give you joy. Plan on doing one of those things a few times a week.
- Ask for help. In a pinch, I asked a neighbor to sit with my mother while I walked around the block. It takes a village, after all.
- Look into a senior center or a day program for your loved one (I tried with my mother – more on that in another blog).
- Finding people to talk to who share your experience. Having your own support system is essential.